Being a lawyer I have worked with a couple of NGO’s dealing with Women’s rights and the majority of the cases that we handled there were Divorce and Domestic Violence cases. While, as usual our society finds the easiest way to deal with any solution, i.e. blaming the women because after all, that is what has been happening with our society since ages but in reality, there are multiple reasons for the same:
1. We did not teach our sons to be independent: We as a society always, taught our Sons to be financially independent but failed to teach them basic life skills such as cooking, cleaning or laundry. Since generations, we told our daughters that its your duty to balance work and personal life. Technically, men are more dependent on women (mother’s or wives) , which we failed to identify. This is what causes ego issues and fights among couples. The men still expect a women who works 8 to 9 hours to keep his hot dinner ready. Parenting is entirely a woman’s job, whereas the time is changing and the trend of penguin dad’s is in.
2. Marriage due to societal pressure:
Unfortunately even today, a lot of people just get married due to societal pressure either because their parents said so or because their biological clock is ticking. Even though people are 30, sometimes, they are not mature enough to handle, which needs a huge commitment. A Marriage is not about a joint flat or bank account of expensive dresses and family vacation. It is definitely much more than that. Marriage is about companionship and partnership for life.
3. Society has started accepting Divorce
Until earlier, women mostly preferred to bear the pain silently than to express about their unhappiness in a relationship. A Divorcee, was a tag, which no woman wanted because that meant she would be shunned from the society. Today, our Society, happily accepts Divorced women to a certain extent compared to earlier years. That is the reason why, women prefer to walk about an abusive relationship, rather than to stay in such a relationship due to peer pressure.
4. Financial Independence of Women
Financial Independence of Women or the different job opportunities available for women in the market have supported women to walk out of abusive relationships as they are no longer manipulated by the partners. Earlier, our women were financially dependent on men, whether it is her father or husband and therefore she had no experience of handling finance or earning money for herself.
5.Lack of communication
In the Metro cities, if both the couples are working they spend minimum 14 to 16 hours in work and travel by the end of which both are dead tired. Weekend is only to prepare for the next week. Once a while, if the schedule of the couple matches, then they go for a vacation or they hang out with their respective group of friends, to kill boredom. The main way of communication then is technology, but technology as a communication can only spol your relationship and not build your relationship. So in short today, couples despite staying in the same bedroom are in a long distance relationship.
Hereunder are a few ways in which, you can save your marriage:
1. Communicate on daily basis, just ask a simple question to your partner, how was your day.
2. Stop using that cell phone or laptop for atleast 10 mins in a day and give exclusive time to your partner.
3. Respect the other person’s job demands and give them space accordingly.
4. Don’t be too dependent on each other, it is good to have a support but dependence may cause harm in future to both the partners.
5. Keep the window of access and communication always open.
6. A child is the responsibility of both the parents.
7. Do a joint activity with your child daily for 10 mins.
8. Your spouse is the most important for you. Don’t bend over because you would be tagged as Joru ka Ghulam if you help her or support her.
9. It is both the partner’s duty to save each other’s dignity and stand up for each other in case of trouble.
These are a few general tips for a marriage to survive. Hope they help someone.
Aishwarya Says:
I have always been against Glorifying Over Work and therefore, in the year 2021, I have decided to launch this campaign “Balancing Life”and talk about this wrong practice, that we have been following since last few years. I will be talking to and interviewing around 1 lakh people in the coming 2021 and publish their interview regarding their opinion on glamourising Over Work.
If you are interested in participating in the same, do let me know.
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