Earlier when we were kids, we knew Mummy Daddy, uncle Aunty, Granny Granda, Didi Jijaji, Bhaiyya Bhabhi all got married. The living room of every family had atleast one Big Indian Family Wedding Picture. It was like a norm or a compulsion. One uncle and one Aunty staying together in a house and that too without marriage was something that was unheard about atleast some 30 years ago. (Spare few exceptions like Rajesh Khanna and Tina Munim).
A majority of the youngsters these days prefer Live in Relationship to marriage. Whilst, marriage is a beautiful institution, we very simply blame the west for influencing our generation for Live in Relationships. Is it really true that the West is the only reason that Urban India is witnessing so many Live in Relationships or Single youngsters. Well a conversation over coffee with a friend opened my eyes and gave me a different outlook all together. Well many may describe a live in relationship as a trial before marriage to know if they are compatible, if their tastes match, if they are fine with the work profile and friends of each other but no role or involvement of family is required here.
The problem is our generation grew up too fast. We could understand a lot of things at a younger age. Observing the dis functional families at home, seeing unnecessary interference of the family members in one’s life, those silent tears and silent sacrifices, has had a huge impact on the children of those families.Therefore, such kids who are now adults feel Live in Relationship is a solution or alternate to marriage.
Well these are a few reasons which an urban youngster gives to have a Live in Relationship:
In India, Marriage is not only a union between two souls but also two families.
But with time as human natures have changed, so have the greed and demands of human beings. Marriage also brings a lot of unexpected expectations from both the spouses by the families, whilst it is not wrong to have expectations but with changing times the priorities of people have also changed. In marriage, a person cannot take a decision without either hurting themselves o,r some of the family members.
Live in relationship does not have any involvement of families, so no dowry harassment, no family drama, come stay share your responsibilities, chores have a happy relationship and easily move on.
Change in lifestyle
Whilst, our earlier generation was flexible on changing their lifestyle 180 degrees, the present generation is not that keen on changing their lifestyle.
For Example:Earlier women were fine with quitting their jobs after marriage, or giving up jeans post marriage, or to an extent altering food choices and lifestyle post marriage. But these days money rules us, with the coming up of corporate culture one has to be forced to live in a certain lifestyle to earn the same money which will then run the family. These things cause clashes in the family, which if not handled properly can harm the mentality of the child.
I am not saying that one has to give up everything after marriage but making a person patiently understand the importance of change in lifestyle and not blaming everything on the family name and prestige would have helped our families have more peaceful environment instead of scaring the younger generations about marriage.
Its my money and its my life
I have seen this attitude in a lot of my female friends who prefer not to be in a relationship or prefer live in relationship. The reason is simple, they are financially independent and therefore do not like to be dominated by anyone. They feel its better to earn and see the world instead of making one person the whole world. Seeing probably wrong examples in their families wherein you were never respected for your professional expertise (even Indira Nooyi accepted to face this differentiation by her mother) a lot of youngsters feel it is better to earn and spend on travel, atleast the experience teaches you much more than staying stuck and sulking.
I am happily married for 7 and half years and Live in Relationship in my family is a crime. But it is important for us to understand that why our society is changing, it is not every time that the west has an influence, sometimes it is also the flaws in our nature that our children adopt the wrong path or a different path. Sometimes unknowingly, we ourselves may be a bad influence.
Nothing can beat the security, progress and happiness that the institution of marriage can bring. But I guess it is high time that we set a good example of marriage and family for our kids so that they dont end up in something even more fancy.
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